TAHLEQUAH DAILY PRESS — One of the few challenges facing parents of pre-teens used to be the potential of a “girl-boy” party where someone might have the idea to play spin-the-bottle.

Today, “tweens” whose parents are technologically savvy – or aren’t, but feel they need to give their kids the advantage – have a private, online domain of their own.

And that includes text messaging, sharing photos via cell phones and social networking pages, and the ever-present video gaming console, which now allows kids to compete against one another online all over the world.

No wonder a number of parents are scratching their heads, wondering when their “babies” became all grown up.

Others, however, are embracing the technology, signing up for the pages of MySpace and Facebook. Often, it’s an effort to monitor what their child is doing, or who they’re “chatting” with. But for some, it’s a way to bond with their teen.

According to a recent report by the Associated Press, teenagers are, as a general rule, closer to their parents than in previous generations. Nancy Robinson, consumer strategist for Iconoculture, a cultural trends research firm in Minneapolis, told the AP kids today often prefer hanging out with their parents to being holed up in their room.

This also extends to social networking sites, which comes in a close second only to texting. It’s a way for teens to communicate without having a “face-to-face” with their parents.

Randy Gibson, local father of two girls - ages “almost 6” and 12 - believes youth today are more savvy than in previous generations.

“They are definitely growing up too fast,” said Gibson. “Not just mine, but all of them. Challenges include TV - mainly reality shows, and of course, the Internet.”

Gibson allows his eldest to have a MySpace page, but monitors it closely. He works diligently with his children at leading by example, and providing guidance along the way.

“My thing is to do all I can to teach my children correct principles, then step back a little and watch how they make their choices,” he said. “I’ve seen too many people over the years who have had very strict or controlling parents, and when they [kids] get to college, get married, whatever, go overboard because they do not know how to handle responsibility or the consequences – good or bad – of their actions.”

Luke Foster, Tahlequah School Board member, is the father of three: a 10-year-old boy, a 5-year-old girl and a 3-year old girl. He’s just beginning to weather the storm of “tweenhood” with his son, but seems to be prepared for the job. He understands the advantages technological advances provide.

“Kids pick up things faster than I can imagine,” said Foster. “Particularly the vocabulary. Technology of all kinds helps to accelerate the lives of everyone, not just children. Children are more apt to get caught up because their minds are still developing and act like sponges.”

Foster tries to preserve his children’s’ childhood by helping them enjoy little things. “We go on bike rides or walks,” he said. “I wrestle with them and eat ice cream, and occasionally let them mispronounce words.”

Foster believes his children will navigate their tween years successfully.

“We have expectations that our children understand, and they respect, most of the time,” he said.

Renee Fite is a veteran of the teen wars. She’s the mother of five children: Three sons and two daughters, ranging in age from 31 to 8.

“My husband, John, gets credit for much of their sweetness and not growing up too fast, because he’s usually the calm and quiet one who babies them,” said Fite.

Fite believes one of the keys to their parenting success – besides prayer – lies in communication.

“We really listen to them, and take time to be with them and respect them,” said Fite. “It’s all about eye contact, conversation and discussion.”

The Fites also put choices out for their children for them to consider, along with reaping the consequences of those decisions. Renee places a lot of stock in independence when it comes to raising children.

“They didn’t hear ‘no’ a lot, so they didn’t have much to rebel about,” she said. “Independence is an attitude, not an activity. It comes with confidence from making smaller decisions when very young, like what to wear or what movie to watch. We did this from the time they could understand and nod their heads. Always making decisions for them doesn’t give them a chance to learn to trust themselves or hone their decision-making skills.”

Fite believes kids seem to grow up faster today because many parents don’t want to take the time to nurture them, or are exhausted from coping with life and have so little time or energy for their children.

She doesn’t necessarily believe images on TV reflect society as a whole.

“Although television, movies and magazines reflect society, I wonder whose?” she asked. “Stores are selling clothes for young girls that make them look like hoochie-mamas, which we can choose not to put on our children. The real problem, it seems to me, is how many parents enable their children, or how many adults set the wrong example by having affairs, addictions and intolerant attitudes. Most kids are going to do what we do, not what we say.”