Grandparents take on dual roles

By EDDIE GLENN

When Charles and Mona Romain retired and moved from Illinois to Cherokee County, they thought their parenting days were far behind them.

But when two of their granddaughters ended up in foster care because of their parents’ drug, alcohol, and legal problems, the Romains – who had already become grandparents and great-grandparents – stepped in and once again became mom and dad to the two girls.

“We had them once before in 1999, and when they went back to their parents, [social workers] told us they’d be there six months at the most,” said Mona. “They made it a year. When they came back to us, it was Christmastime. In fact, it was Christmas both times they came to live with us. We made sure they had good Chrismases, and they’ve had good Chrismases every time since then.”

The Romains legally adopted the girls two years ago, and now they – and a lot of other seniors like them – find themselves taking on dual roles as parents and grandparents.

The Romains attended a support group meeting Thursday afternoon at Greenwood Elementary for “Grandparents As Parents.” Sponsored by the Department of Human Services, the meetings bring folks like the Romains together to share their stories and advice.

“We have a lot of grandparents raising their grandchildren here,” said DHS school-based social worker Angel Waldo. “Without looking at the records, I could safely say we have at least one child in every class that’s being raised by grandparents. We want those grandparents to socialize with people who are going through the same thing.”

Mona said she and Charles come to the meetings to learn how other people in the same situation deal with raising kids that are two – almost three – generations younger than themselves.

“They’re turning into teenagers,” Mona said of their 12- and 14-year-old grandkids. “And there’s a big difference between their generation and my generation. I know there are more of us [parent-grandparents] out there – there are at least four million in the United States.”

The issues the Romains have to deal with aren’t much different than those most other parents run into. But at a time in their lives when they could be kicking back and relaxing (“I’ve got 35 rod and reels, and they’re rusting,” said Charles), the Romains are taking on such intricacies of puberty as cell phones, jewelry, homework, and boys.

“When you have grandchildren, you get to spoil them and then send them home,” said Mona. “But we can’t send them home because they’re already there.”

Still, raising kids isn’t something totally new to the Romains. After all, they had to be parents in order to become grandparents. And while the girls’ parents didn’t end up being the most desirable role-models, they were the exception to the rule. The Romains’ progeny also include teachers, preachers, and lawyers – and soon, maybe even a book reviewer.

“That’s what one of them wants to be,” said Mona. “They’ve got a lot of great plans, and we keep telling them it’s all about education – get an education.”

“And no boys!” Charles added.



Get involved

The Grandparents As Parents support group meets every week at 4 p.m. in the Greenwood Elementary School library. It’s open to “parents” from any school district in the county, and each meeting features door prizes. For more information, call DHS school-based social worker Angel Waldo at (918) 207-2533. Also, www.aarp.org has information and tips for grandparents also taking on the role of parents.

Text Only